so, the little dudes didn't go to gay pride with me this year, they went with my dad to a parade in the town he works in. which was fine, they had an excelent time and i got to hang out with friends without kids hanging on me.
i love my kids but really, sometimes just a little break is needed. it has been a long, but fun summer and just about everytime i feel i am about to blow a gasket, the kids do something cute which really helps defuse the anger..i'll admit that i'm far from perfect and there have been a few times i've yelled and several i've had to employ time outs...i've got a lot of work to do and a lot of learning to sort out non-violent communication and kind parenting techniques, but aren't we all really works in progress. i'm finding it faster and easier to calm myself and the kids down the more i work on it, we till have our show off and overtired things that the kids do, but at least i usually realise why they are acting up and can sort out a course of action, of sorts.
we are currently all dealing with some allergy/sinus/headcold thing, but other than stuffy heads and a little coughing/wheezing not doing too bad. school starts in about 3 weeks and declyn is finally starting to write his name,not really well, but we are practicing and he does almost as well as connor (which means most of the letters are there close to the correct spots and at least somewhat resemble what they are supposed to look like)...really, at 5 years old i can't beleive they want them to know so much...they are really smart and observant, and i'd rather them know not to walk through poison ivy and some basic lifeskills than worry about how well they write, not to mention that childhood should be about jumping in puddles and squishing in mud and having fun, not cramming your head full of as much crap as possible as early as possible...they'll get it when they get it.
so some possitive thoughts on possitive thoughts...we all have ngative thoughts and while i am trying to reprogram myself not to state them, or to use them...it's a long hard process, but rather than saying "no more negative thoughts", i've been working at just adding more possitive thoughts and possitive people and such to my life...some negativity creeps in, it probably always will, but aknowledging it and moving towards possitive seems to be working better and better the more i practice it. i still find myself grumping about what a disaster my house is...lately it really has been at it's worse, but i try to turn it arround and use it as an opportunity to make major changes in my schedual and teach the kids how to clean and why it is helpful to put things where they belong rather than just throwing everything on the floor...trying to put it all in a positive light is challenging, but i'm up to the challenge and the kids will be in school for 6 hours this fall, not including the time on the bus ride, so even though, i'm also going to be looking for work/job training or something of the sort i should still have time for cleaning the house. so rather than worrying about the dirt, i burry myself in my task and think "won't it be nice when i get it all fixed up the way i want!?"
anyway, i hope everyone is having a great summer and i'll be back to write again, soon. oh and i saw a messege on facebook earlier, that was exactly how i've been feeling lately "stop judging and start loving"! that applies to all of us about how we treat ourselves and everyone arround us...we are all starving for love...love yourself and spread the love to others.
