so...it turns out my eldest nephew is also having bullying problems...this one kid has been bullying him and his friends all year and the teachers do nothing but put the kid in detention...so much for the zero tollerence for bullying laws. finally, after getting shoved 1 to many times, my nephew turned and punched the kid, then got a 2 day suspension. i don't approve of violence, but really??? this kid is an honor roll kid, never in trouble and the bully is a known trouble maker who has been reported repeatedly for bullying... why is the bully even still bullying? shouldn't he be in counseling or have been suspended or expelled? i talked to other people who are having the same problems with thier kids, bullying being reported and teachers doing little to nothing.
anyway, my sons have been off of school most of this week and were supposed to be helping me with some cleaning and re-organising projects, which haven't gotten done, but we have had some discussions about propper behavior and about bullying. connor told me the bully he has told him he wasn't cool and i told him what isn't cool is telling other people that they are not cool and that as a matter of fact connor is one really cool kid because he is not affraid to be himself and being yourself is what really makes you cool. there are only 2 and 1/2 weeks left of school, so i think we'll do ok, but i am going to talk to the teachers.
i haven't written about it yet, but connor had some major dental work done...he had to go into Children's Hospital and be put to sleep so that he could get x-rays, fillings, caps and some teeth pulled...we went for our follow up this week and he is healing well. the dentist said that she doesn't know how but it seems that the decay was haulted in 3 of the 4 front teeth or he might have had to have them all out, the one he did have to have out had been chipped and had lots of dammage on the tiny bit of tooth that was left (he has really tiny teeth), but i think a few of the changes i made really helped. i read that going grain free helps with dental decay, and while i haven't been able to completely eliminate the grain yet, i have limited it and stopped using flouride and started drinking spring water (our tap water contains flouride) and started using real grassfed butter, while i think some other changes and totally eliminating the grains may help even more the fact that we stopped the decay in 3 of the teeth that they thought may have to come out is a good sign.i've read in several places that flouride can sometimes actually make tooth decay worse. i'm reading more about diet and health in relation to tooth decay, since both boys have lots of dental issues and will report back as i make more ajustments and we have more dental exams.
one last thing for today... Declyn has been throwing major temper tantrums the last 2 days, esp. when i ask him to do things...he acts goofy, then he acts fresh then he gets destructive and violent, i actually have had to physically restrain him by holding his arms and/or pinning him to his bed (mostly because he keeps punching me or his brother or throwing things at us)and even then he screams and turns red and struggles, i then talk to him as calmly as i can and explain that i love him but his behavior is unacceptable...while he still acts angry for a bit and may even try hitting me, again i do my best from there to just give him some time and space to think...finally he told me today "i have feelings i don't understand and can't explain and it makes me mad." (this often happens when he is tired and much of the anger is directed at me and/or his brother, so could be jelousy, but i don't know), what i have sorted out is that sometimes what he really needs is just some time to think quietly, so i'm trying to work out some ways he can express his feelings in a more constructive manner and/or have a quite break without feeling like i'm putting him in time out. he really is a deep thinker and very intense child who asks many questions and observes his surroundings astutely and i think he internalizes everything until he doesn't know what to do with it all, much like his mother. i will keep everyone posted on this progress as well.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Dealling with a Bully !!!
so...i haven't updated in quite some time.things have been kids aof a wreck...acid reflux and gallbladder issues for me and connor's teeth...he just had 3 pulled and some caps and fillings, the good news is that some of the changes that i made such as eliminating floride and adding in grassfed butter to his diet haulted the decay on 3 teeth or he would have lost all 4 front teeth not just 1 in the front (which was mostly as bad as it was due to a chip he got over a year ago). also, i haven't really been sure what exactly i wanted to write about...i had ideas, but ws really up in the air.
well, i've decided to write about 2 issues...bullying and LGBT rights/issues. why??? well because they are dear to me and because they are issues that our family is dealing with at the moment.
it's hard to write this because only about 3 or 4 people really know this others may have guessed at it, but i'm bisexual...i think i've always known, yet i didn't really fully know or understand until i was about 16...i've mostly dated men because it's easy and expected, but i have dated women and sometimes, especially lately i wonder "why do i even need a man in my life?" i mean i have the kids i always wanted and i find so few men attractive, but there are some here and there that are very attractive..so i just don't worry about it...i think the focus should be more on the soul of a person...finding a soulmate, not being held back by gender barriers. but, that's only the tip of the iceberg...here's what it really gets down to...i try not to read anything into my kids refering to thier best female friends as girlfriends and declyn's refering to his best male friend asa boyfriend..they are only 5 years old and they have very simplistic and innocent ideas about marriage and love and relationships...also my sons have no father...they have never met thier father and thier father has nothing to do with us, that is, so we have a mom who isnot sure if she'll ever marry or if it does happen weather it'll be a male or female and 2 little boys who have lots of friends with a mom and dad...meaning they are really wanting a dad...that's not all...one of the kids at school teases them about not having a dad and declyn makes up stories and now connor is starting to about some imaginary dad. this same kidtold declyn when he said that he wanted to marry his friend (a boy), because "two people who love eachother get married" that boys can't marry boys...in MA, where we live "boys can marry boys" as long as they are both consenting adults, and i explained that..but this bring me to the bullying, but first let me say that my kids already know that some boys love boys and some boys love girl and some girls love boys and some girls love girls, tec...i have even had to find simple ways to explain transgender to them, which isn't as hard as it sounds, because of one of my cousins teenage children being transgenedered so they have a pretty good understanding...they think it's kind of funny that a boy might want to be a girl, since they love being boys, but they accept that some boys feel like girls inside and some girls feel like boys inside.
we have had some mild bullying for years all the kids in our neighborhood insist on calling connor and declyn "Zack and Cody" no matter how angry it makes them, so they don't get to play with the nieghborhood kids much, but now we have a whole other level...thankfully this kid that is a problem will not be in thier school next year, but as someone who was bullied no matter where i lived or what school i was in i can't stand that it seems like my kids have targets painted on thier back as well.last year at school there was aboy who was a little bit of a bully, but by the end of the year both connor and declyn had befriended him and it turned out that he was just needing a friend and feeling a little jelous, but the kid we are dealing with this year is different...he told declyn at the beginning of the year that he couldn't be freinds with another little boy who declyn had been freinds with last year "because he's black and that means he's too different from us. he's weird." declyn and i discussed this extensively and i sent notes to the teachers and eventually declyn came arround, then declyn mentioned the marriage thing i mentioned above and i started thinking "this kid has to get this kind of racist, biggoted thinking from somewhere?", but it's not all...there is the "you don't have a dad!" thing and telling connor "you have abig head!" and "you are nothing!" and "you are a bully!"...all of this came out this week...connor has been holding it inside, but having a week at home with me he has been talking about it, crying about it...and everytime i raise my voice and yell (still working on not loosing it when i'm at my wits end) he breaks out with "i don't think you love me! i'm nobody!" i immedeatly take him in my arms and hug him and tell him how much i love him and how he's a very special little boy. i told him to tell the teachers when the other boy says things, but he says they just tell him to walk away from the other boy. right now i'm trying to decide how to breech it with the teachers myself, but it has to be adressed!
reading this aritcle (http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/2012/04/why-be-normal-when-you-could-be-happy.html) from ben and birdie i did discover a cool resource that i can't wait to order from that may be of some help with all of the above situations http://www.reachandteach.com/content/index.php they have some great anti-bullying stuff and eco friendly toys and things and books and coloring books about all kinds of issues near and dear to me.
well, i've decided to write about 2 issues...bullying and LGBT rights/issues. why??? well because they are dear to me and because they are issues that our family is dealing with at the moment.
it's hard to write this because only about 3 or 4 people really know this others may have guessed at it, but i'm bisexual...i think i've always known, yet i didn't really fully know or understand until i was about 16...i've mostly dated men because it's easy and expected, but i have dated women and sometimes, especially lately i wonder "why do i even need a man in my life?" i mean i have the kids i always wanted and i find so few men attractive, but there are some here and there that are very attractive..so i just don't worry about it...i think the focus should be more on the soul of a person...finding a soulmate, not being held back by gender barriers. but, that's only the tip of the iceberg...here's what it really gets down to...i try not to read anything into my kids refering to thier best female friends as girlfriends and declyn's refering to his best male friend asa boyfriend..they are only 5 years old and they have very simplistic and innocent ideas about marriage and love and relationships...also my sons have no father...they have never met thier father and thier father has nothing to do with us, that is, so we have a mom who isnot sure if she'll ever marry or if it does happen weather it'll be a male or female and 2 little boys who have lots of friends with a mom and dad...meaning they are really wanting a dad...that's not all...one of the kids at school teases them about not having a dad and declyn makes up stories and now connor is starting to about some imaginary dad. this same kidtold declyn when he said that he wanted to marry his friend (a boy), because "two people who love eachother get married" that boys can't marry boys...in MA, where we live "boys can marry boys" as long as they are both consenting adults, and i explained that..but this bring me to the bullying, but first let me say that my kids already know that some boys love boys and some boys love girl and some girls love boys and some girls love girls, tec...i have even had to find simple ways to explain transgender to them, which isn't as hard as it sounds, because of one of my cousins teenage children being transgenedered so they have a pretty good understanding...they think it's kind of funny that a boy might want to be a girl, since they love being boys, but they accept that some boys feel like girls inside and some girls feel like boys inside.
we have had some mild bullying for years all the kids in our neighborhood insist on calling connor and declyn "Zack and Cody" no matter how angry it makes them, so they don't get to play with the nieghborhood kids much, but now we have a whole other level...thankfully this kid that is a problem will not be in thier school next year, but as someone who was bullied no matter where i lived or what school i was in i can't stand that it seems like my kids have targets painted on thier back as well.last year at school there was aboy who was a little bit of a bully, but by the end of the year both connor and declyn had befriended him and it turned out that he was just needing a friend and feeling a little jelous, but the kid we are dealing with this year is different...he told declyn at the beginning of the year that he couldn't be freinds with another little boy who declyn had been freinds with last year "because he's black and that means he's too different from us. he's weird." declyn and i discussed this extensively and i sent notes to the teachers and eventually declyn came arround, then declyn mentioned the marriage thing i mentioned above and i started thinking "this kid has to get this kind of racist, biggoted thinking from somewhere?", but it's not all...there is the "you don't have a dad!" thing and telling connor "you have abig head!" and "you are nothing!" and "you are a bully!"...all of this came out this week...connor has been holding it inside, but having a week at home with me he has been talking about it, crying about it...and everytime i raise my voice and yell (still working on not loosing it when i'm at my wits end) he breaks out with "i don't think you love me! i'm nobody!" i immedeatly take him in my arms and hug him and tell him how much i love him and how he's a very special little boy. i told him to tell the teachers when the other boy says things, but he says they just tell him to walk away from the other boy. right now i'm trying to decide how to breech it with the teachers myself, but it has to be adressed!
reading this aritcle (http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/2012/04/why-be-normal-when-you-could-be-happy.html) from ben and birdie i did discover a cool resource that i can't wait to order from that may be of some help with all of the above situations http://www.reachandteach.com/content/index.php they have some great anti-bullying stuff and eco friendly toys and things and books and coloring books about all kinds of issues near and dear to me.
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