i'm not totally sure where to start...i feel like i've been failing as a blogger, i don't blog all that regularly, but also i sometimes feel like i'm not being as good a parent as i should then things like what happened today happen...
As usual we were snuggling in bed while waking up, morning snuggle time is a favorite time in our house and connor looked at me and said "you are the best mommy, in the whole world! i'm so glad i have a nice mommy, like you, not like _____'s mommy!" (mind you the words may not be exact, since it happend several hours ago and i omitted the other child's name, not that i completely remember it). he went on to tell me about how the girl he mentioned gets hit by her mommy, sometimes for no reason and sometimes with a belt...the look of horror on my face must have been noticeable, because both kids climbed up closer and snuggled more tightly with me as we discussed it...i told connor that we needed to tell his guidance counselor because someone needed to know who can try to keep her safe...and i did my best not to break down crying for the poor girl right then and there. during breakfast the boys asked about why a parent would do that and the best i could come up with was that maybe they were broken and hurting inside and didn't know how to love.
after the kids had gone to school i posted on facebook about how/why i was feeling distracted and got into some conversations with dear friends about it, but before that i had called the school and left a message for the guidance counselor. something during the conversation with my friends made me realize that i am totally overcritical of my parenting skills...while i have had mistakes and rough spots, i've learned a lot we've come a long way and have been implementing all sorts of things that allow my kids to feel safe telling me just about anything and we can discuss openly how we feel (for the most part...declyn still has times that he'd prefer thinking in silence until he feels ready to talk) and we have been having far fewer breakdowns since we started admitting we all need a little quiet time for ourselves from time to time and that sometimes what we really need is a hug or someone to hear and listen to what we are saying. i still yell sometimes, but i yell less and i catch myself and take a quick "time out"...we are all works in progress and i would never even think to use any implement or even my hand on my kids violently.
Right now i'm hoping that the guidance counselor is getting that poor sweet girl some sort of help and has talked to connor. I'll try to be back tomorrow with some friday link love.
peace, love, unity, respect...one love to you all. ((hugs))
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Friday, June 8, 2012
just a quick note
just dropping in for a quick note...
the kids get out of school for the summer on next tuesday, they graduate from preschool and we start a summer of fun and preparation for kindergarten. i must admit that i'm a bit nervous about kindergarten...declyn still can't write his name and that is one of the things that the teachers want him to be able to do, as well as count to 10, sing the ABC's and identify his letters and numbers...so we'll be spending a little bit of time most days practicing...maybe i'll have declyn help me count as we set the table and/or count out fruits/veggies we buy at the grocery store or farmer's market, for that matter, maybe connor and declyn could take turns with that.
i'm also going to be doing a lot of testing various healthy recipes to find out exactly what healthy foods the boys enjoy eating enough for me to pack them for lunches...i really am not a big fan of school lunches, but the school they are going to is supposed to be a green school so i'll see if thier lunches are any better than others.
i just remembered that tomorrow is the Gay Pride Parade in Boston...Woo-Hoo! one of my best friends and her fiance are picking the little men and i up so that we can all go in together and we may meet up with other friends there. the parade is always cool as are all the booths and the music, it should be fun.
well, i'm on a mission to do some major cleaning and organising of my kitchen today, so i'll update again when i get the chance.
the kids get out of school for the summer on next tuesday, they graduate from preschool and we start a summer of fun and preparation for kindergarten. i must admit that i'm a bit nervous about kindergarten...declyn still can't write his name and that is one of the things that the teachers want him to be able to do, as well as count to 10, sing the ABC's and identify his letters and numbers...so we'll be spending a little bit of time most days practicing...maybe i'll have declyn help me count as we set the table and/or count out fruits/veggies we buy at the grocery store or farmer's market, for that matter, maybe connor and declyn could take turns with that.
i'm also going to be doing a lot of testing various healthy recipes to find out exactly what healthy foods the boys enjoy eating enough for me to pack them for lunches...i really am not a big fan of school lunches, but the school they are going to is supposed to be a green school so i'll see if thier lunches are any better than others.
i just remembered that tomorrow is the Gay Pride Parade in Boston...Woo-Hoo! one of my best friends and her fiance are picking the little men and i up so that we can all go in together and we may meet up with other friends there. the parade is always cool as are all the booths and the music, it should be fun.
well, i'm on a mission to do some major cleaning and organising of my kitchen today, so i'll update again when i get the chance.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Dealling with a Bully !!!
so...i haven't updated in quite some time.things have been kids aof a wreck...acid reflux and gallbladder issues for me and connor's teeth...he just had 3 pulled and some caps and fillings, the good news is that some of the changes that i made such as eliminating floride and adding in grassfed butter to his diet haulted the decay on 3 teeth or he would have lost all 4 front teeth not just 1 in the front (which was mostly as bad as it was due to a chip he got over a year ago). also, i haven't really been sure what exactly i wanted to write about...i had ideas, but ws really up in the air.
well, i've decided to write about 2 issues...bullying and LGBT rights/issues. why??? well because they are dear to me and because they are issues that our family is dealing with at the moment.
it's hard to write this because only about 3 or 4 people really know this others may have guessed at it, but i'm bisexual...i think i've always known, yet i didn't really fully know or understand until i was about 16...i've mostly dated men because it's easy and expected, but i have dated women and sometimes, especially lately i wonder "why do i even need a man in my life?" i mean i have the kids i always wanted and i find so few men attractive, but there are some here and there that are very attractive..so i just don't worry about it...i think the focus should be more on the soul of a person...finding a soulmate, not being held back by gender barriers. but, that's only the tip of the iceberg...here's what it really gets down to...i try not to read anything into my kids refering to thier best female friends as girlfriends and declyn's refering to his best male friend asa boyfriend..they are only 5 years old and they have very simplistic and innocent ideas about marriage and love and relationships...also my sons have no father...they have never met thier father and thier father has nothing to do with us, that is, so we have a mom who isnot sure if she'll ever marry or if it does happen weather it'll be a male or female and 2 little boys who have lots of friends with a mom and dad...meaning they are really wanting a dad...that's not all...one of the kids at school teases them about not having a dad and declyn makes up stories and now connor is starting to about some imaginary dad. this same kidtold declyn when he said that he wanted to marry his friend (a boy), because "two people who love eachother get married" that boys can't marry boys...in MA, where we live "boys can marry boys" as long as they are both consenting adults, and i explained that..but this bring me to the bullying, but first let me say that my kids already know that some boys love boys and some boys love girl and some girls love boys and some girls love girls, tec...i have even had to find simple ways to explain transgender to them, which isn't as hard as it sounds, because of one of my cousins teenage children being transgenedered so they have a pretty good understanding...they think it's kind of funny that a boy might want to be a girl, since they love being boys, but they accept that some boys feel like girls inside and some girls feel like boys inside.
we have had some mild bullying for years all the kids in our neighborhood insist on calling connor and declyn "Zack and Cody" no matter how angry it makes them, so they don't get to play with the nieghborhood kids much, but now we have a whole other level...thankfully this kid that is a problem will not be in thier school next year, but as someone who was bullied no matter where i lived or what school i was in i can't stand that it seems like my kids have targets painted on thier back as well.last year at school there was aboy who was a little bit of a bully, but by the end of the year both connor and declyn had befriended him and it turned out that he was just needing a friend and feeling a little jelous, but the kid we are dealing with this year is different...he told declyn at the beginning of the year that he couldn't be freinds with another little boy who declyn had been freinds with last year "because he's black and that means he's too different from us. he's weird." declyn and i discussed this extensively and i sent notes to the teachers and eventually declyn came arround, then declyn mentioned the marriage thing i mentioned above and i started thinking "this kid has to get this kind of racist, biggoted thinking from somewhere?", but it's not all...there is the "you don't have a dad!" thing and telling connor "you have abig head!" and "you are nothing!" and "you are a bully!"...all of this came out this week...connor has been holding it inside, but having a week at home with me he has been talking about it, crying about it...and everytime i raise my voice and yell (still working on not loosing it when i'm at my wits end) he breaks out with "i don't think you love me! i'm nobody!" i immedeatly take him in my arms and hug him and tell him how much i love him and how he's a very special little boy. i told him to tell the teachers when the other boy says things, but he says they just tell him to walk away from the other boy. right now i'm trying to decide how to breech it with the teachers myself, but it has to be adressed!
reading this aritcle (http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/2012/04/why-be-normal-when-you-could-be-happy.html) from ben and birdie i did discover a cool resource that i can't wait to order from that may be of some help with all of the above situations http://www.reachandteach.com/content/index.php they have some great anti-bullying stuff and eco friendly toys and things and books and coloring books about all kinds of issues near and dear to me.
well, i've decided to write about 2 issues...bullying and LGBT rights/issues. why??? well because they are dear to me and because they are issues that our family is dealing with at the moment.
it's hard to write this because only about 3 or 4 people really know this others may have guessed at it, but i'm bisexual...i think i've always known, yet i didn't really fully know or understand until i was about 16...i've mostly dated men because it's easy and expected, but i have dated women and sometimes, especially lately i wonder "why do i even need a man in my life?" i mean i have the kids i always wanted and i find so few men attractive, but there are some here and there that are very attractive..so i just don't worry about it...i think the focus should be more on the soul of a person...finding a soulmate, not being held back by gender barriers. but, that's only the tip of the iceberg...here's what it really gets down to...i try not to read anything into my kids refering to thier best female friends as girlfriends and declyn's refering to his best male friend asa boyfriend..they are only 5 years old and they have very simplistic and innocent ideas about marriage and love and relationships...also my sons have no father...they have never met thier father and thier father has nothing to do with us, that is, so we have a mom who isnot sure if she'll ever marry or if it does happen weather it'll be a male or female and 2 little boys who have lots of friends with a mom and dad...meaning they are really wanting a dad...that's not all...one of the kids at school teases them about not having a dad and declyn makes up stories and now connor is starting to about some imaginary dad. this same kidtold declyn when he said that he wanted to marry his friend (a boy), because "two people who love eachother get married" that boys can't marry boys...in MA, where we live "boys can marry boys" as long as they are both consenting adults, and i explained that..but this bring me to the bullying, but first let me say that my kids already know that some boys love boys and some boys love girl and some girls love boys and some girls love girls, tec...i have even had to find simple ways to explain transgender to them, which isn't as hard as it sounds, because of one of my cousins teenage children being transgenedered so they have a pretty good understanding...they think it's kind of funny that a boy might want to be a girl, since they love being boys, but they accept that some boys feel like girls inside and some girls feel like boys inside.
we have had some mild bullying for years all the kids in our neighborhood insist on calling connor and declyn "Zack and Cody" no matter how angry it makes them, so they don't get to play with the nieghborhood kids much, but now we have a whole other level...thankfully this kid that is a problem will not be in thier school next year, but as someone who was bullied no matter where i lived or what school i was in i can't stand that it seems like my kids have targets painted on thier back as well.last year at school there was aboy who was a little bit of a bully, but by the end of the year both connor and declyn had befriended him and it turned out that he was just needing a friend and feeling a little jelous, but the kid we are dealing with this year is different...he told declyn at the beginning of the year that he couldn't be freinds with another little boy who declyn had been freinds with last year "because he's black and that means he's too different from us. he's weird." declyn and i discussed this extensively and i sent notes to the teachers and eventually declyn came arround, then declyn mentioned the marriage thing i mentioned above and i started thinking "this kid has to get this kind of racist, biggoted thinking from somewhere?", but it's not all...there is the "you don't have a dad!" thing and telling connor "you have abig head!" and "you are nothing!" and "you are a bully!"...all of this came out this week...connor has been holding it inside, but having a week at home with me he has been talking about it, crying about it...and everytime i raise my voice and yell (still working on not loosing it when i'm at my wits end) he breaks out with "i don't think you love me! i'm nobody!" i immedeatly take him in my arms and hug him and tell him how much i love him and how he's a very special little boy. i told him to tell the teachers when the other boy says things, but he says they just tell him to walk away from the other boy. right now i'm trying to decide how to breech it with the teachers myself, but it has to be adressed!
reading this aritcle (http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/2012/04/why-be-normal-when-you-could-be-happy.html) from ben and birdie i did discover a cool resource that i can't wait to order from that may be of some help with all of the above situations http://www.reachandteach.com/content/index.php they have some great anti-bullying stuff and eco friendly toys and things and books and coloring books about all kinds of issues near and dear to me.
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