simplifying...

i won't lie...sometimes i loose it and i find myself yelling "how many times do i have to tell you not to jump on the couch!!!!???" later, i always feel bad, but take note of ways i could better handle the situation..we learn from out mistakes and i could blame it on PMS or the pain i'm in or the stress i'm under, but rather than do that i think "how can i do this better??? how can i get the kids to do what i want without yelling or being negative? how can i put a positive spin on the situation?" some answers are easier than others and it often depends on the situation and kids being kids are not always going to respond how we want, so you have to let go and learn which things need pressing and which things need to be let to slide...often discussing why jumping on the couch (or peeing out the front door, or whatever it may be) is going to possibly effect things helps..."if you pee out the front door it makes it smell icky when people walk up. do you want it to smell icky? would you like to sit in a yucky smelling garden and drink your tea?" so far it is helping some, but jumping on the couch seems to be harder to deter...so i keep working at simplifying my approaches and letting go of whatever doesn't work for us, maybe they won't ever stop, until they are much older or someone gets hurt badly, but yelling does NOT work (it just makes my vocal chords sore). i've also caught myself doing something my mother and grandmother do much of and always have...i never thought of it as "shaming" until reading an article about it, but talking about something the child has done that was "wrong" in front of them or talking loudly to them in front of a group of people about what they did "wrong"...it's something i see a lot of people do and i always just kind of thought was normal, but then i think of how my relationships go and how i feel and that "un-loveable" feeling mentioned in the article crops up in my mind. my grandmother has improved some in this but my mom does it sometimes even today with me and i've caught myself doing it with my kids...so now, i try to make myself think twice about what i say and how i say it...i sometimes slip up, but really, kids feel bad enough if you have to pull them aside to talk about their actions, they don't need you talking loud enough for everyone to hear, nor do they need you announcing to everyone what they've done, while they sit by...so i'm simplifying things...i'm only saying positive things as often as possible, especially if the kids are in earshot and working at less demeaning ways of talking with/to the children if their behavior needs addressing in public. i often feel like everyone around me is judging me and my parenting style and sometimes i feel quite incompetent as a parent, but if i actually let those feelings interfere with my desire to raise well adjusted children who know they are loved and loveable and know how to make decisions and think then i am compromising myself and my children.

i was going to write more about other areas in which i am simplifying, but i don't want to make a 3 page post...so again simplifying a bit...just a quick note on the other things i am doing. i have been cleaning out and organizing the house, getting rid of things that no longer serve us or just add clutter. also, anyone who knows me knows i have some digestive issues and struggle with my weight and also that i've been a vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, eaten paleo, tried south beach diet and numerous other things and really i am sick of all forms of dieting and fads and super restrictive eating, but something i have picked up is that real foods are always best and while this blog is about parenting feeding your kids and providing good wholesome nutrition is part of parenting so on that note i may be sharing some good real food and whole food recipes from time to time in the future. ok...back to cleaning the house before the kids come home and myattention goes to spending time with them.