Happy Mabon!

I just wanted to make a quick Autumnal Equinox/Mabon post...so here it is. I've been kind of lax in celebrating pagan holidays with the kids...why??? I don't really know, maybe because it's easier to not celebrate than to have to explain to them why no other kids in their school do, or in fact no other kids that we have regular contact with, maybe it's laziness...it's easy to go with the flow...However, this year I am making an effort to introduce the holidays to them and do at least a small thing to recognize and acknowledge them...I've managed to do something for some, but not all. I started last fall discussing Samhain and Yule with the kids...Declyn wanted to tell all the Christians to give us back our Yule traditions, but i told him that we can share them. at Ostara/the Vernal Equinox I got them Aisha's Moonlit walk, a book with stories for each holiday about a girl celebrating them. So far we are loving it, we can read the stories and get ideas for something fun to do at each holiday (i'll put a link to the book at the bottom of the post). For Mabon i decided a little bit of a Autumnal Equinox Feast was in order...it may not be a big feast, but we'll make the best of it and have fun...we are going on a bit of a leaf walk and making some decorations, too. I also discovered another great book and awesome publisher with many great books thanks to a link a friend posted on facebook
http://www.magicalchildbooks.com/shop/smoky-and-the-feast-of-mabon/
and am hoping to pick it up soon, it may be late for this year's Mabon celebration, but we will get it before next year.
So with that i wish you all Happy Mabon! and here is that link...

http://www.amazon.com/Aishas-Moonlit-Walk-Stories-Celebrations/dp/1558964851/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348251124&sr=8-1&keywords=aisha%27s+moonlit+walk

simplifying...

i won't lie...sometimes i loose it and i find myself yelling "how many times do i have to tell you not to jump on the couch!!!!???" later, i always feel bad, but take note of ways i could better handle the situation..we learn from out mistakes and i could blame it on PMS or the pain i'm in or the stress i'm under, but rather than do that i think "how can i do this better??? how can i get the kids to do what i want without yelling or being negative? how can i put a positive spin on the situation?" some answers are easier than others and it often depends on the situation and kids being kids are not always going to respond how we want, so you have to let go and learn which things need pressing and which things need to be let to slide...often discussing why jumping on the couch (or peeing out the front door, or whatever it may be) is going to possibly effect things helps..."if you pee out the front door it makes it smell icky when people walk up. do you want it to smell icky? would you like to sit in a yucky smelling garden and drink your tea?" so far it is helping some, but jumping on the couch seems to be harder to deter...so i keep working at simplifying my approaches and letting go of whatever doesn't work for us, maybe they won't ever stop, until they are much older or someone gets hurt badly, but yelling does NOT work (it just makes my vocal chords sore). i've also caught myself doing something my mother and grandmother do much of and always have...i never thought of it as "shaming" until reading an article about it, but talking about something the child has done that was "wrong" in front of them or talking loudly to them in front of a group of people about what they did "wrong"...it's something i see a lot of people do and i always just kind of thought was normal, but then i think of how my relationships go and how i feel and that "un-loveable" feeling mentioned in the article crops up in my mind. my grandmother has improved some in this but my mom does it sometimes even today with me and i've caught myself doing it with my kids...so now, i try to make myself think twice about what i say and how i say it...i sometimes slip up, but really, kids feel bad enough if you have to pull them aside to talk about their actions, they don't need you talking loud enough for everyone to hear, nor do they need you announcing to everyone what they've done, while they sit by...so i'm simplifying things...i'm only saying positive things as often as possible, especially if the kids are in earshot and working at less demeaning ways of talking with/to the children if their behavior needs addressing in public. i often feel like everyone around me is judging me and my parenting style and sometimes i feel quite incompetent as a parent, but if i actually let those feelings interfere with my desire to raise well adjusted children who know they are loved and loveable and know how to make decisions and think then i am compromising myself and my children.

i was going to write more about other areas in which i am simplifying, but i don't want to make a 3 page post...so again simplifying a bit...just a quick note on the other things i am doing. i have been cleaning out and organizing the house, getting rid of things that no longer serve us or just add clutter. also, anyone who knows me knows i have some digestive issues and struggle with my weight and also that i've been a vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, eaten paleo, tried south beach diet and numerous other things and really i am sick of all forms of dieting and fads and super restrictive eating, but something i have picked up is that real foods are always best and while this blog is about parenting feeding your kids and providing good wholesome nutrition is part of parenting so on that note i may be sharing some good real food and whole food recipes from time to time in the future. ok...back to cleaning the house before the kids come home and myattention goes to spending time with them.

on to Kindergarten

So i met Connor and Declyn's kindergarten teachers and they were both very nice, very different but very nice and so far both boys love thier teachers, they have only been going for 4 days as of today, but they like thier teachers and are making friends and both say that they pretty much get along with everyone. Connor says that there is one kid in class that can be annoying sometimes and i told him that it's ok to feel that someone is annoying, but it's still good to be nice to the other person because maybe what he does that is "annoying" is because he wants or needs attention, or something.
this morning wasa challenge for me the kids have been getting 8-9 hours of sleep and even putting them to bed early can't gaurentee more sleep, because they are waking up earlier, when i put them to bed earlier, and then they spent most of this morning with me splitting them up...declyn is angry about something and won't talk to me much about it, although, yesterday he told me that he wasmad that the kids on the bus called him and connor "Zack and Cody" and told him he's not really famous and not really a super hero. connor has learned to let it slide, most of the time but will sometimes yell "i am CONNOR not ZACK and CODY!" i don't blame him for getting frustrated and i really wish the other kids would drop it...it's been 3 years of connor and declyn getting mad at them whenever they call them "Zack and Cody" and they don't even have haircuts that look much like Zack and Cody anymore, so it's really annoying for all of us, but the problem is that even some of the adults in the neighborhood do it and they are really persistant about it even, when connor and declyn get angry, so for the most part i try to avoid them and i talk to the boys about how they feel, but declyn is really sensitive, so sometimes he and i need some special time and talks and activities to make him feel better. he started this morning off with name calling and an attitude right from the get go and was fine once at the bus stop, but the whole morning was spent with me trying to talk to him while getting them ready for school and him trying to pick fights with connor and i. sometimes, i'm afraid that someone is going to try to suggest i medicate him...i'd naturally refuse to do that...i'd seek dietary changes and herbs for improvements in his behavior before ever agreeing to giving him meds, but i can imagine having to fight with teachers at some point, really he's just a very creative/passionate and sensitive child...i don't think these are bad things, he just needs to learn to express himself and be alowed plenty of creative outlets and time/space to explore his feelings and sort out and express things creatively. (he's much like myself)
so, you'd think i'd be excited to "have the kids out of my hair" but even with all the house cleaning and organising i'm working at getting done i can't help but miss them and want to give them hugs and tell them how much i love them and find something special to do with them...it's hard having your kids go off to school for 6 hours a day. it's hard to find time for things while they are wanting/needing attention all the time, but when you are used to having them there all of the time it's really hard to have them away as well. Hopefully at least i'll get the house really clean and organised and can start giving more time to my arts and crafts and start a buisness, and/or knit the kids some cute sweaters and/or scarves.
ok, breaktime is over...gotta finish some cleaning! i want to have it clean enough so that i can scrub the floors tomorrow and do some moving stuff around and making things beautiful this weekend/next week. (although, i promised the kids that saturday would be a day for us to go for a nature walk and play some boardgames so i have to keep that promise or they will never forgive me).

update and possitive thoughts

so, the little dudes didn't go to gay pride with me this year, they went with my dad to a parade in the town he works in. which was fine, they had an excelent time and i got to hang out with friends without kids hanging on me.
i love my kids but really, sometimes just a little break is needed. it has been a long, but fun summer and just about everytime i feel i am about to blow a gasket, the kids do something cute which really helps defuse the anger..i'll admit that i'm far from perfect and there have been a few times i've yelled and several i've had to employ time outs...i've got a lot of work to do and a lot of learning to sort out non-violent communication and kind parenting techniques, but aren't we all really works in progress. i'm finding it faster and easier to calm myself and the kids down the more i work on it, we till have our show off and overtired things that the kids do, but at least i usually realise why they are acting up and can sort out a course of action, of sorts.
we are currently all dealing with some allergy/sinus/headcold thing, but other than stuffy heads and a little coughing/wheezing not doing too bad. school starts in about 3 weeks and declyn is finally starting to write his name,not really well, but we are practicing and he does almost as well as connor (which means most of the letters are there close to the correct spots and at least somewhat resemble what they are supposed to look like)...really, at 5 years old i can't beleive they want them to know so much...they are really smart and observant, and i'd rather them know not to walk through poison ivy and some basic lifeskills than worry about how well they write, not to mention that childhood should be about jumping in puddles and squishing in mud and having fun, not cramming your head full of as much crap as possible as early as possible...they'll get it when they get it.
so some possitive thoughts on possitive thoughts...we all have ngative thoughts and while i am trying to reprogram myself not to state them, or to use them...it's a long hard process, but rather than saying "no more negative thoughts", i've been working at just adding more possitive thoughts and possitive people and such to my life...some negativity creeps in, it probably always will, but aknowledging it and moving towards possitive seems to be working better and better the more i practice it. i still find myself grumping about what a disaster my house is...lately it really has been at it's worse, but i try to turn it arround and use it as an opportunity to make major changes in my schedual and teach the kids how to clean and why it is helpful to put things where they belong rather than just throwing everything on the floor...trying to put it all in a positive light is challenging, but i'm up to the challenge and the kids will be in school for 6 hours this fall, not including the time on the bus ride, so even though, i'm also going to be looking for work/job training or something of the sort i should still have time for cleaning the house. so rather than worrying about the dirt, i burry myself in my task and think "won't it be nice when i get it all fixed up the way i want!?"
anyway, i hope everyone is having a great summer and i'll be back to write again, soon. oh and i saw a messege on facebook earlier, that was exactly how i've been feeling lately "stop judging and start loving"! that applies to all of us about how we treat ourselves and everyone arround us...we are all starving for love...love yourself and spread the love to others.

just a quick note

just dropping in for a quick note...

the kids get out of school for the summer on next tuesday, they graduate from preschool and we start a summer of fun and preparation for kindergarten. i must admit that i'm a bit nervous about kindergarten...declyn still can't write his name and that is one of the things that the teachers want him to be able to do, as well as count to 10, sing the ABC's and identify his letters and numbers...so we'll be spending a little bit of time most days practicing...maybe i'll have declyn help me count as we set the table and/or count out fruits/veggies we buy at the grocery store or farmer's market, for that matter, maybe connor and declyn could take turns with that.

i'm also going to be doing a lot of testing various healthy recipes to find out exactly what healthy foods the boys enjoy eating enough for me to pack them for lunches...i really am not a big fan of school lunches, but the school they are going to is supposed to be a green school so i'll see if thier lunches are any better than others.

i just remembered that tomorrow is the Gay Pride Parade in Boston...Woo-Hoo! one of my best friends and her fiance are picking the little men and i up so that we can all go in together and we may meet up with other friends there. the parade is always cool as are all the booths and the music, it should be fun.

well, i'm on a mission to do some major cleaning and organising of my kitchen today, so i'll update again when i get the chance.

bullying and other updates

so...it turns out my eldest nephew is also having bullying problems...this one kid has been bullying him and his friends all year and the teachers do nothing but put the kid in detention...so much for the zero tollerence for bullying laws. finally, after getting shoved 1 to many times, my nephew turned and punched the kid, then got a 2 day suspension. i don't approve of violence, but really??? this kid is an honor roll kid, never in trouble and the bully is a known trouble maker who has been reported repeatedly for bullying... why is the bully even still bullying? shouldn't he be in counseling or have been suspended or expelled? i talked to other people who are having the same problems with thier kids, bullying being reported and teachers doing little to nothing.

anyway, my sons have been off of school most of this week and were supposed to be helping me with some cleaning and re-organising projects, which haven't gotten done, but we have had some discussions about propper behavior and about bullying. connor told me the bully he has told him he wasn't cool and i told him what isn't cool is telling other people that they are not cool and that as a matter of fact connor is one really cool kid because he is not affraid to be himself and being yourself is what really makes you cool. there are only 2 and 1/2 weeks left of school, so i think we'll do ok, but i am going to talk to the teachers.

i haven't written about it yet, but connor had some major dental work done...he had to go into Children's Hospital and be put to sleep so that he could get x-rays, fillings, caps and some teeth pulled...we went for our follow up this week and he is healing well. the dentist said that she doesn't know how but it seems that the decay was haulted in 3 of the 4 front teeth or he might have had to have them all out, the one he did have to have out had been chipped and had lots of dammage on the tiny bit of tooth that was left (he has really tiny teeth), but i think a few of the changes i made really helped. i read that going grain free helps with dental decay, and while i haven't been able to completely eliminate the grain yet, i have limited it and stopped using flouride and started drinking spring water (our tap water contains flouride) and started using real grassfed butter, while i think some other changes and totally eliminating the grains may help even more the fact that we stopped the decay in 3 of the teeth that they thought may have to come out is a good sign.i've read in several places that flouride can sometimes actually make tooth decay worse. i'm reading more about diet and health in relation to tooth decay, since both boys have lots of dental issues and will report back as i make more ajustments and we have more dental exams.

one last thing for today... Declyn has been throwing major temper tantrums the last 2 days, esp. when i ask him to do things...he acts goofy, then he acts fresh then he gets destructive and violent, i actually have had to physically restrain him by holding his arms and/or pinning him to his bed (mostly because he keeps punching me or his brother or throwing things at us)and even then he screams and turns red and struggles, i then talk to him as calmly as i can and explain that i love him but his behavior is unacceptable...while he still acts angry for a bit and may even try hitting me, again i do my best from there to just give him some time and space to think...finally he told me today "i have feelings i don't understand and can't explain and it makes me mad." (this often happens when he is tired and much of the anger is directed at me and/or his brother, so could be jelousy, but i don't know), what i have sorted out is that sometimes what he really needs is just some time to think quietly, so i'm trying to work out some ways he can express his feelings in a more constructive manner and/or have a quite break without feeling like i'm putting him in time out. he really is a deep thinker and very intense child who asks many questions and observes his surroundings astutely and i think he internalizes everything until he doesn't know what to do with it all, much like his mother. i will keep everyone posted on this progress as well.

Dealling with a Bully !!!

so...i haven't updated in quite some time.things have been kids aof a wreck...acid reflux and gallbladder issues for me and connor's teeth...he just had 3 pulled and some caps and fillings, the good news is that some of the changes that i made such as eliminating floride and adding in grassfed butter to his diet haulted the decay on 3 teeth or he would have lost all 4 front teeth not just 1 in the front (which was mostly as bad as it was due to a chip he got over a year ago). also, i haven't really been sure what exactly i wanted to write about...i had ideas, but ws really up in the air.


well, i've decided to write about 2 issues...bullying and LGBT rights/issues. why??? well because they are dear to me and because they are issues that our family is dealing with at the moment.


it's hard to write this because only about 3 or 4 people really know this others may have guessed at it, but i'm bisexual...i think i've always known, yet i didn't really fully know or understand until i was about 16...i've mostly dated men because it's easy and expected, but i have dated women and sometimes, especially lately i wonder "why do i even need a man in my life?" i mean i have the kids i always wanted and i find so few men attractive, but there are some here and there that are very attractive..so i just don't worry about it...i think the focus should be more on the soul of a person...finding a soulmate, not being held back by gender barriers. but, that's only the tip of the iceberg...here's what it really gets down to...i try not to read anything into my kids refering to thier best female friends as girlfriends and declyn's refering to his best male friend asa boyfriend..they are only 5 years old and they have very simplistic and innocent ideas about marriage and love and relationships...also my sons have no father...they have never met thier father and thier father has nothing to do with us, that is, so we have a mom who isnot sure if she'll ever marry or if it does happen weather it'll be a male or female and 2 little boys who have lots of friends with a mom and dad...meaning they are really wanting a dad...that's not all...one of the kids at school teases them about not having a dad and declyn makes up stories and now connor is starting to about some imaginary dad. this same kidtold declyn when he said that he wanted to marry his friend (a boy), because "two people who love eachother get married" that boys can't marry boys...in MA, where we live "boys can marry boys" as long as they are both consenting adults, and i explained that..but this bring me to the bullying, but first let me say that my kids already know that some boys love boys and some boys love girl and some girls love boys and some girls love girls, tec...i have even had to find simple ways to explain transgender to them, which isn't as hard as it sounds, because of one of my cousins teenage children being transgenedered so they have a pretty good understanding...they think it's kind of funny that a boy might want to be a girl, since they love being boys, but they accept that some boys feel like girls inside and some girls feel like boys inside.


we have had some mild bullying for years all the kids in our neighborhood insist on calling connor and declyn "Zack and Cody" no matter how angry it makes them, so they don't get to play with the nieghborhood kids much, but now we have a whole other level...thankfully this kid that is a problem will not be in thier school next year, but as someone who was bullied no matter where i lived or what school i was in i can't stand that it seems like my kids have targets painted on thier back as well.last year at school there was aboy who was a little bit of a bully, but by the end of the year both connor and declyn had befriended him and it turned out that he was just needing a friend and feeling a little jelous, but the kid we are dealing with this year is different...he told declyn at the beginning of the year that he couldn't be freinds with another little boy who declyn had been freinds with last year "because he's black and that means he's too different from us. he's weird." declyn and i discussed this extensively and i sent notes to the teachers and eventually declyn came arround, then declyn mentioned the marriage thing i mentioned above and i started thinking "this kid has to get this kind of racist, biggoted thinking from somewhere?", but it's not all...there is the "you don't have a dad!" thing and telling connor "you have abig head!" and "you are nothing!" and "you are a bully!"...all of this came out this week...connor has been holding it inside, but having a week at home with me he has been talking about it, crying about it...and everytime i raise my voice and yell (still working on not loosing it when i'm at my wits end) he breaks out with "i don't think you love me! i'm nobody!" i immedeatly take him in my arms and hug him and tell him how much i love him and how he's a very special little boy. i told him to tell the teachers when the other boy says things, but he says they just tell him to walk away from the other boy. right now i'm trying to decide how to breech it with the teachers myself, but it has to be adressed!


reading this aritcle (http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/2012/04/why-be-normal-when-you-could-be-happy.html) from ben and birdie i did discover a cool resource that i can't wait to order from that may be of some help with all of the above situations http://www.reachandteach.com/content/index.php they have some great anti-bullying stuff and eco friendly toys and things and books and coloring books about all kinds of issues near and dear to me.