quick post- self esteem..ect.

ok...this week and this morning got off to a rough start...i had an awesome time at king richard's faire this past saturday, then sunday i was pooped out and so were the kids, even though they had spent the day with my grandmother, not running around in the rain with me...sunday night connor woke up with croupe then on the way to bring him to the dr. monday i got a phone call to pick declyn up from school and bring him shoes...he had thrown up all over himself and was in the nurse's office, connor ended up fine but has a bit of a cold, then monday night declyn had croupe and he had a fever tuesday night, so off to the dr we went, turns out he just has a really bad head cold and congestion...then this morning when we woke up they started in...fighting one another and defying every rule we have (i really don't have many, but they figured they'd do everything that they know they shouldn't)..but when the bus came to get them they gave me hugs and kisses and ran to line up..connor was near the front of the line, but declyn wanted to squeeze in an extra hug and make sure his hair was still in place and most of the other kids were lined up or scrambling to line up then declyn did something awesome that i'm totally proud of him for...he looked at everyone scrambling for a place in line and very calmly and pointedly walked to the back of the line and stood there tall and erect and calmly waiting for everyone else...the other kids noticed and immediately others who were not in line, but were trying to scooch in did a double take and got in line behind declyn and they all lined up calmly to get on the bus after that. i was floored that something so simple could have such an impact.
i was thinking about this and other things when i realised that we all have the ability to make an impact with our actions...some will be bigger impacts than others, but our actions really do speak.
i've also been thinking a lot about self esteem ...ensuring it our children but also our own...i know my self esteem is not that high most of the time and i'm pretty sure my kids know that too...it's fairly evident. i have spent too much time worrying about what others think and living by other's standards and so on and so forth and too little pursuing my own dreams and goals...too much time feeling like my body is a prison that my soul was sentenced to rather than a temple in which it resides. our children know our feelings sometimes even better than we do ourselves...i know mine know when i'm feeling down and depressed and they know when i feel light and happy, sometimes they know this before i even catch on to it. just something to think about...time to go pick up my little men from the bus.

Friday Link Love #1

yeah...It's my first Friday Link Love post! Monday I'm going to start posting some healthy, budget friendly recipes, but for now i'll leave some link love.

this first one is from one of my favorite blogs...a homemade yogurt tutorial (i'm going to do this within the next week...i really want to start making my own yogurt)...

this looks like a great recipe, but i'd do full fat ingredients to me i see "fat free" as similar to "crap load of chemicals"

cookie cutter love....i really want this!

budget, fudge it...well not really but it rhymes

ok, so tomorrow i'll share some link love with you...i decided to make fridays "Link Love Days", but today i'm going to talk about an issue for parents with tight money (and that's pretty much everybody nowadays)...BUDGETING.
in my house budgeting is a necessity, although i really haven't been sticking to one and end up (like this month and last) with little to no money the last week or two of the month. I've decided that my groceries can not go over $500 a month no matter what, so 4 week months that is $125 per week and 5 week months that is $100 per week for groceries...i get money on specific days of the month so factor that in to how long each month is going to be since i shop on tuesdays and sometimes my money comes on a wednesday or thursday or something. now i'm not going to get ionto a full breakdown of my miniscule budget, but the basics are that i know how much money i have for groceries, how much i need for rent and bills and factor in an allowance for body care and housecleaning items, etc... this way i'm not freaking out that i never have any money. i have money, just not a lot so i need to be careful about how it is spent.
budgeting groceries...yikes! it is really easy to leave the grocery store with $160 or $200 in groceries if you aren't careful. for me, being health conscious and environmentally conscious and keeping a tight budget it is hard...i'd like to buy all organic, but that isn't always possible...i try as often as possible to buy "The Dirty Dozen" (most pesticide laden foods) organically...currently Apples are #1 and i love apples (my grocery store has non organic ones for $1.29/lb frequently and it's nearly twice that price for organic, so if i do buy non organic i peel them). i Always buy celery (which is #2) organic and try to buy all of my greens and strawberries organically. (i'll find the link for the Dirty Dozen and Clean fifteen to share on tomorrow's Link Love). Dairy is not on the list, because it only lists fruits and veggies, but dairy should also always be organic and/or grass fed. i also have heard that most of the rice in the United States is extremely high in arsenic, so we are avoiding rice at the moment, but i really don't eat a lot of grains anyway. i'm working on sourdough starter and starting to make my own sprouted grain sourdough, as it's one of the few kids of breads/grains that don't upset my digestion and make me feel like i've just eaten a lead weight (it'll save on expenses...sourdough bread costs nearly $4 per loaf and sometimes more, depending on brand). also, buying the least expensive ground turkey or a whole roasting chicken and stretching it...i may roast the chicken one night make some veggie and chicken quessadillas or something the next night then use the rest to make a broth and soup. and the ground turkey can be mixed in with beans and veggies to make a chili or something else that you can stretch out for several meals (or skip the turkey altogether and make a veggie chili). Another trick to keeping your budget down is learning what wild edibles are in your area and doing some foraging...i know purslane, chickweed, plantain, violets and dandelions are edible (and quite nourishing) and all easily found in my neighborhood, but i'd like to learn about more wild edibles and their identification.
Next week i'll start sharing some budget friendly, healthy recipes. please, let me know any tips/tricks you have for budgeting.

Happy Mabon!

I just wanted to make a quick Autumnal Equinox/Mabon post...so here it is. I've been kind of lax in celebrating pagan holidays with the kids...why??? I don't really know, maybe because it's easier to not celebrate than to have to explain to them why no other kids in their school do, or in fact no other kids that we have regular contact with, maybe it's laziness...it's easy to go with the flow...However, this year I am making an effort to introduce the holidays to them and do at least a small thing to recognize and acknowledge them...I've managed to do something for some, but not all. I started last fall discussing Samhain and Yule with the kids...Declyn wanted to tell all the Christians to give us back our Yule traditions, but i told him that we can share them. at Ostara/the Vernal Equinox I got them Aisha's Moonlit walk, a book with stories for each holiday about a girl celebrating them. So far we are loving it, we can read the stories and get ideas for something fun to do at each holiday (i'll put a link to the book at the bottom of the post). For Mabon i decided a little bit of a Autumnal Equinox Feast was in order...it may not be a big feast, but we'll make the best of it and have fun...we are going on a bit of a leaf walk and making some decorations, too. I also discovered another great book and awesome publisher with many great books thanks to a link a friend posted on facebook
http://www.magicalchildbooks.com/shop/smoky-and-the-feast-of-mabon/
and am hoping to pick it up soon, it may be late for this year's Mabon celebration, but we will get it before next year.
So with that i wish you all Happy Mabon! and here is that link...

http://www.amazon.com/Aishas-Moonlit-Walk-Stories-Celebrations/dp/1558964851/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348251124&sr=8-1&keywords=aisha%27s+moonlit+walk

simplifying...

i won't lie...sometimes i loose it and i find myself yelling "how many times do i have to tell you not to jump on the couch!!!!???" later, i always feel bad, but take note of ways i could better handle the situation..we learn from out mistakes and i could blame it on PMS or the pain i'm in or the stress i'm under, but rather than do that i think "how can i do this better??? how can i get the kids to do what i want without yelling or being negative? how can i put a positive spin on the situation?" some answers are easier than others and it often depends on the situation and kids being kids are not always going to respond how we want, so you have to let go and learn which things need pressing and which things need to be let to slide...often discussing why jumping on the couch (or peeing out the front door, or whatever it may be) is going to possibly effect things helps..."if you pee out the front door it makes it smell icky when people walk up. do you want it to smell icky? would you like to sit in a yucky smelling garden and drink your tea?" so far it is helping some, but jumping on the couch seems to be harder to deter...so i keep working at simplifying my approaches and letting go of whatever doesn't work for us, maybe they won't ever stop, until they are much older or someone gets hurt badly, but yelling does NOT work (it just makes my vocal chords sore). i've also caught myself doing something my mother and grandmother do much of and always have...i never thought of it as "shaming" until reading an article about it, but talking about something the child has done that was "wrong" in front of them or talking loudly to them in front of a group of people about what they did "wrong"...it's something i see a lot of people do and i always just kind of thought was normal, but then i think of how my relationships go and how i feel and that "un-loveable" feeling mentioned in the article crops up in my mind. my grandmother has improved some in this but my mom does it sometimes even today with me and i've caught myself doing it with my kids...so now, i try to make myself think twice about what i say and how i say it...i sometimes slip up, but really, kids feel bad enough if you have to pull them aside to talk about their actions, they don't need you talking loud enough for everyone to hear, nor do they need you announcing to everyone what they've done, while they sit by...so i'm simplifying things...i'm only saying positive things as often as possible, especially if the kids are in earshot and working at less demeaning ways of talking with/to the children if their behavior needs addressing in public. i often feel like everyone around me is judging me and my parenting style and sometimes i feel quite incompetent as a parent, but if i actually let those feelings interfere with my desire to raise well adjusted children who know they are loved and loveable and know how to make decisions and think then i am compromising myself and my children.

i was going to write more about other areas in which i am simplifying, but i don't want to make a 3 page post...so again simplifying a bit...just a quick note on the other things i am doing. i have been cleaning out and organizing the house, getting rid of things that no longer serve us or just add clutter. also, anyone who knows me knows i have some digestive issues and struggle with my weight and also that i've been a vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, eaten paleo, tried south beach diet and numerous other things and really i am sick of all forms of dieting and fads and super restrictive eating, but something i have picked up is that real foods are always best and while this blog is about parenting feeding your kids and providing good wholesome nutrition is part of parenting so on that note i may be sharing some good real food and whole food recipes from time to time in the future. ok...back to cleaning the house before the kids come home and myattention goes to spending time with them.

on to Kindergarten

So i met Connor and Declyn's kindergarten teachers and they were both very nice, very different but very nice and so far both boys love thier teachers, they have only been going for 4 days as of today, but they like thier teachers and are making friends and both say that they pretty much get along with everyone. Connor says that there is one kid in class that can be annoying sometimes and i told him that it's ok to feel that someone is annoying, but it's still good to be nice to the other person because maybe what he does that is "annoying" is because he wants or needs attention, or something.
this morning wasa challenge for me the kids have been getting 8-9 hours of sleep and even putting them to bed early can't gaurentee more sleep, because they are waking up earlier, when i put them to bed earlier, and then they spent most of this morning with me splitting them up...declyn is angry about something and won't talk to me much about it, although, yesterday he told me that he wasmad that the kids on the bus called him and connor "Zack and Cody" and told him he's not really famous and not really a super hero. connor has learned to let it slide, most of the time but will sometimes yell "i am CONNOR not ZACK and CODY!" i don't blame him for getting frustrated and i really wish the other kids would drop it...it's been 3 years of connor and declyn getting mad at them whenever they call them "Zack and Cody" and they don't even have haircuts that look much like Zack and Cody anymore, so it's really annoying for all of us, but the problem is that even some of the adults in the neighborhood do it and they are really persistant about it even, when connor and declyn get angry, so for the most part i try to avoid them and i talk to the boys about how they feel, but declyn is really sensitive, so sometimes he and i need some special time and talks and activities to make him feel better. he started this morning off with name calling and an attitude right from the get go and was fine once at the bus stop, but the whole morning was spent with me trying to talk to him while getting them ready for school and him trying to pick fights with connor and i. sometimes, i'm afraid that someone is going to try to suggest i medicate him...i'd naturally refuse to do that...i'd seek dietary changes and herbs for improvements in his behavior before ever agreeing to giving him meds, but i can imagine having to fight with teachers at some point, really he's just a very creative/passionate and sensitive child...i don't think these are bad things, he just needs to learn to express himself and be alowed plenty of creative outlets and time/space to explore his feelings and sort out and express things creatively. (he's much like myself)
so, you'd think i'd be excited to "have the kids out of my hair" but even with all the house cleaning and organising i'm working at getting done i can't help but miss them and want to give them hugs and tell them how much i love them and find something special to do with them...it's hard having your kids go off to school for 6 hours a day. it's hard to find time for things while they are wanting/needing attention all the time, but when you are used to having them there all of the time it's really hard to have them away as well. Hopefully at least i'll get the house really clean and organised and can start giving more time to my arts and crafts and start a buisness, and/or knit the kids some cute sweaters and/or scarves.
ok, breaktime is over...gotta finish some cleaning! i want to have it clean enough so that i can scrub the floors tomorrow and do some moving stuff around and making things beautiful this weekend/next week. (although, i promised the kids that saturday would be a day for us to go for a nature walk and play some boardgames so i have to keep that promise or they will never forgive me).

update and possitive thoughts

so, the little dudes didn't go to gay pride with me this year, they went with my dad to a parade in the town he works in. which was fine, they had an excelent time and i got to hang out with friends without kids hanging on me.
i love my kids but really, sometimes just a little break is needed. it has been a long, but fun summer and just about everytime i feel i am about to blow a gasket, the kids do something cute which really helps defuse the anger..i'll admit that i'm far from perfect and there have been a few times i've yelled and several i've had to employ time outs...i've got a lot of work to do and a lot of learning to sort out non-violent communication and kind parenting techniques, but aren't we all really works in progress. i'm finding it faster and easier to calm myself and the kids down the more i work on it, we till have our show off and overtired things that the kids do, but at least i usually realise why they are acting up and can sort out a course of action, of sorts.
we are currently all dealing with some allergy/sinus/headcold thing, but other than stuffy heads and a little coughing/wheezing not doing too bad. school starts in about 3 weeks and declyn is finally starting to write his name,not really well, but we are practicing and he does almost as well as connor (which means most of the letters are there close to the correct spots and at least somewhat resemble what they are supposed to look like)...really, at 5 years old i can't beleive they want them to know so much...they are really smart and observant, and i'd rather them know not to walk through poison ivy and some basic lifeskills than worry about how well they write, not to mention that childhood should be about jumping in puddles and squishing in mud and having fun, not cramming your head full of as much crap as possible as early as possible...they'll get it when they get it.
so some possitive thoughts on possitive thoughts...we all have ngative thoughts and while i am trying to reprogram myself not to state them, or to use them...it's a long hard process, but rather than saying "no more negative thoughts", i've been working at just adding more possitive thoughts and possitive people and such to my life...some negativity creeps in, it probably always will, but aknowledging it and moving towards possitive seems to be working better and better the more i practice it. i still find myself grumping about what a disaster my house is...lately it really has been at it's worse, but i try to turn it arround and use it as an opportunity to make major changes in my schedual and teach the kids how to clean and why it is helpful to put things where they belong rather than just throwing everything on the floor...trying to put it all in a positive light is challenging, but i'm up to the challenge and the kids will be in school for 6 hours this fall, not including the time on the bus ride, so even though, i'm also going to be looking for work/job training or something of the sort i should still have time for cleaning the house. so rather than worrying about the dirt, i burry myself in my task and think "won't it be nice when i get it all fixed up the way i want!?"
anyway, i hope everyone is having a great summer and i'll be back to write again, soon. oh and i saw a messege on facebook earlier, that was exactly how i've been feeling lately "stop judging and start loving"! that applies to all of us about how we treat ourselves and everyone arround us...we are all starving for love...love yourself and spread the love to others.