house cleaning, ballet and a boy with fashion sense...

yup, that sort of sums up this week...i'm trying to get things clean around here (nothing new there) and declyn went to the eye doctor...his eyesight is making big improvements and he may be done with glasses within a couple of years. tuesday the kids had a day off (professional development day?)and we went to the mall and stopped into a kids clothes store where declyn fell in love with an argyle sweater vest and fedora and driver cap...yup...this boy has a sense of style. he also liked the "handsome shirts" (button up/oxford shirts) and some neckties and bowties. now if you ask him what he wants for christmas/yule it's "drums, that cool hat (fedora) and science stuff and tools"...gotta love it! this morning declyn was doing ballet while i was making breakfast and i told him he was doing lovely ballet and he said he'd love to take ballet class, but was afraid that boys can't do ballet, i re-assured him that they could and i posted on facebook about it and we have gotten quite a bit of support...really, not enough boys do ballet or are encouraged to follow such dreams. I'm hoping to find some local classes maybe he and his cousin, lolli could take classes together.

anyway...having twins one of the things i've really wanted to instill is a sense of individuality...i really don't like that so many people clump them in as if they were one child...they are so incredibly different...they may look (nearly)identical, but they have different personalities, different tastes in clothing, different interests. i have always been a bit unique and i really don't express myself through clothing and style the way i once did...when i had kids i got rid of some of my more radical clothes (a lot of my punk and/or goth stuff) and i regret that...i think i need to set an example for my kids by being myself and fully expressing who i am so that they can feel more free to express who they are...connor is a jeans and t-shirts, comfortable not too fancy shoes kind of kid...sure he likes a nice shirt or sweater for dressing up, but he'd rather wear a t-shirt most days, right now he really wants a skull sweatshirt that zips all the way up so that the hood is also a mask and he loves all things rock and roll and thinks steampunk styled stuff (esp. hot air balloons and airships)and guitars and all forms of rock and roll type things (skulls, music, instramants) are cool and loves to draw. Declyn is more interested in drums, science, steampunk (esp. anything to do with mad scientist, science and inventions) and "handsome" things (fedoras, driver caps, oxford shirts sweaters/sweater vests, vests, khakis, neckties, bowties or if he wears t-shirts or henleys preferably they have no pictures) and ballet. i do what i can to encourage all of their interests and to nurture their individuality. this morning, at the bus stop, declyn has built a "fortress" actually he and connor built it together(they work well together) by lining up and piling several larger rocks and some of the bigger kids purposely knock it down...partially because these kids are never monitored by parents and partially because they just don't get it...that rocks can be a fortress or that that can be something so important that declyn gets angry and yells and screams and turns red in the face over it...i told declyn we'll rebuild his fortress in a secret location over the weekend. Declyn doesn't get that other people have no imagination...connor gets this and since i had told him that people don't see fairies or dragons because they don't know how to look with their 3rd eye was trying to tell children and adults alike that they could see dragons if they looked with their 3rd eye and explained "but you have to be ready, really ready." when people looked at him strangely he walked off shaking his head and mumbling "oh...they aren't ready...no one is ready." very exasperated...connor gets that others don't know how to see things the way we often do and he'd like to help them, but he hasn't figured out that most people never will open themselves to the wonders that can be there if you just shift your perspective and open up to the possibilities of what lies beyond the veil of the mundane.

so another weekend is about to start...last week my neighbors kept us up/woke us up with their partying and i'm not looking forward to that, however i am looking into some possible changes that could at least get us away from this neighborhood...if not in a terribly improved situation at least to a better place for us. well, off to do more cleaning...have some floors to clean and pans to scrub, i promised the kids that they could help with the bathrooms...since that is "science expirament bathroom cleaning"..hehe. oh and happy Spirit Day....i hope others are wearing their purple and bringing awareness to the issue of bullying.

happy birthday to me and happy coming out day!

ok...i keep meaning to post more often, and i will get some recipes up soon. today i turn 36...where do the years go??? i certainly don't always feel like the same girl i was 20 years ago, when i still had big dreams about my future...then again, i do still have some big dreams about my future, they've just shifted gears a bit...instead of wanting to be married at 20 and becoming a big fashion designer i've decided i want to raise 2 awesome kids to be self assured, creative young men and that i'd love to one day have my own business and a cool eco friendly home with plenty of room for an awesome garden. will it happen? i don't know, but instead of dwelling on past mistakes and divergences from the path i wanted to be on i choose to see those as learning experiences and growth opportunities and keep moving forward to a future that could be brighter and better than i even imagined. i still make mistakes, i booby trap myself...setting myself up for failure at times...usually afterwards i have a thought of "oh, you walked right into that knowing it wouldn't work and it didn't what were you thinking?", but i think a lot of people do that. i say just keep being the best you you can be and move forward, don't let anything hold you back, because you never know what lays ahead, just around the corner...waiting for you to take that chance. what's in store for me in the next year? i really have no idea, but with some luck and hard work, maybe i'll finally be able to start my business.

today is school picture day and the boys are dressed rather handsomely...connor is in a ralph lauren multi-coloured plaid button front shirt and declyn is in a blue striped button front shirt with an argyle sweater vest and his hair is slicked with pomade for the first time...he loves that it can easily go back into place even if it gets messed up easier than with gel. sometimes, from things he says or does i wonder if he may be gay, but he could be bi or straight, yet a bit flamboyant or just care about how he looks...nothing wrong with any of it...he's a sweetheart and as long as he is comfortable with himself then i'm happy with that. he and connor are so different in many ways, just like my sister and i are very different, yet we love eachother so much (my sister and i are not identical twins, we are 2 1/2 years apart, but just goes to show how each child is truely unique no matter how much their DNA is identical).

so in honor of coming out day i just want to say how proud i am of all of my friends and family who have pushed those closet doors open and come out...it's not easy , but i hope it gets easier and easier for everyone to be able to do. Love you all! stay true to yourself!

friday link love on sunday???

yup, i'm a bit off this week and friday link love is coming at you a couple days late. it seems i'm fighting off the head cold that has been pestering grammy and the kids all week. so chicken soup has been one of our saviors and in honor of it i have some link love for homemade broth...and it's benefits

and this broth and recipe looks awesome!

looking for some fun fall crafts to keep the kids busy??? here are some cool leaf crafts!

so i guess that is this weeks link love. I am currently using the tutorial from last week's linklove to make homemade yogurt. peace and love to you all!

quick post- self esteem..ect.

ok...this week and this morning got off to a rough start...i had an awesome time at king richard's faire this past saturday, then sunday i was pooped out and so were the kids, even though they had spent the day with my grandmother, not running around in the rain with me...sunday night connor woke up with croupe then on the way to bring him to the dr. monday i got a phone call to pick declyn up from school and bring him shoes...he had thrown up all over himself and was in the nurse's office, connor ended up fine but has a bit of a cold, then monday night declyn had croupe and he had a fever tuesday night, so off to the dr we went, turns out he just has a really bad head cold and congestion...then this morning when we woke up they started in...fighting one another and defying every rule we have (i really don't have many, but they figured they'd do everything that they know they shouldn't)..but when the bus came to get them they gave me hugs and kisses and ran to line up..connor was near the front of the line, but declyn wanted to squeeze in an extra hug and make sure his hair was still in place and most of the other kids were lined up or scrambling to line up then declyn did something awesome that i'm totally proud of him for...he looked at everyone scrambling for a place in line and very calmly and pointedly walked to the back of the line and stood there tall and erect and calmly waiting for everyone else...the other kids noticed and immediately others who were not in line, but were trying to scooch in did a double take and got in line behind declyn and they all lined up calmly to get on the bus after that. i was floored that something so simple could have such an impact.
i was thinking about this and other things when i realised that we all have the ability to make an impact with our actions...some will be bigger impacts than others, but our actions really do speak.
i've also been thinking a lot about self esteem ...ensuring it our children but also our own...i know my self esteem is not that high most of the time and i'm pretty sure my kids know that too...it's fairly evident. i have spent too much time worrying about what others think and living by other's standards and so on and so forth and too little pursuing my own dreams and goals...too much time feeling like my body is a prison that my soul was sentenced to rather than a temple in which it resides. our children know our feelings sometimes even better than we do ourselves...i know mine know when i'm feeling down and depressed and they know when i feel light and happy, sometimes they know this before i even catch on to it. just something to think about...time to go pick up my little men from the bus.

Friday Link Love #1

yeah...It's my first Friday Link Love post! Monday I'm going to start posting some healthy, budget friendly recipes, but for now i'll leave some link love.

this first one is from one of my favorite blogs...a homemade yogurt tutorial (i'm going to do this within the next week...i really want to start making my own yogurt)...

this looks like a great recipe, but i'd do full fat ingredients to me i see "fat free" as similar to "crap load of chemicals"

cookie cutter love....i really want this!

budget, fudge it...well not really but it rhymes

ok, so tomorrow i'll share some link love with you...i decided to make fridays "Link Love Days", but today i'm going to talk about an issue for parents with tight money (and that's pretty much everybody nowadays)...BUDGETING.
in my house budgeting is a necessity, although i really haven't been sticking to one and end up (like this month and last) with little to no money the last week or two of the month. I've decided that my groceries can not go over $500 a month no matter what, so 4 week months that is $125 per week and 5 week months that is $100 per week for groceries...i get money on specific days of the month so factor that in to how long each month is going to be since i shop on tuesdays and sometimes my money comes on a wednesday or thursday or something. now i'm not going to get ionto a full breakdown of my miniscule budget, but the basics are that i know how much money i have for groceries, how much i need for rent and bills and factor in an allowance for body care and housecleaning items, etc... this way i'm not freaking out that i never have any money. i have money, just not a lot so i need to be careful about how it is spent.
budgeting groceries...yikes! it is really easy to leave the grocery store with $160 or $200 in groceries if you aren't careful. for me, being health conscious and environmentally conscious and keeping a tight budget it is hard...i'd like to buy all organic, but that isn't always possible...i try as often as possible to buy "The Dirty Dozen" (most pesticide laden foods) organically...currently Apples are #1 and i love apples (my grocery store has non organic ones for $1.29/lb frequently and it's nearly twice that price for organic, so if i do buy non organic i peel them). i Always buy celery (which is #2) organic and try to buy all of my greens and strawberries organically. (i'll find the link for the Dirty Dozen and Clean fifteen to share on tomorrow's Link Love). Dairy is not on the list, because it only lists fruits and veggies, but dairy should also always be organic and/or grass fed. i also have heard that most of the rice in the United States is extremely high in arsenic, so we are avoiding rice at the moment, but i really don't eat a lot of grains anyway. i'm working on sourdough starter and starting to make my own sprouted grain sourdough, as it's one of the few kids of breads/grains that don't upset my digestion and make me feel like i've just eaten a lead weight (it'll save on expenses...sourdough bread costs nearly $4 per loaf and sometimes more, depending on brand). also, buying the least expensive ground turkey or a whole roasting chicken and stretching it...i may roast the chicken one night make some veggie and chicken quessadillas or something the next night then use the rest to make a broth and soup. and the ground turkey can be mixed in with beans and veggies to make a chili or something else that you can stretch out for several meals (or skip the turkey altogether and make a veggie chili). Another trick to keeping your budget down is learning what wild edibles are in your area and doing some foraging...i know purslane, chickweed, plantain, violets and dandelions are edible (and quite nourishing) and all easily found in my neighborhood, but i'd like to learn about more wild edibles and their identification.
Next week i'll start sharing some budget friendly, healthy recipes. please, let me know any tips/tricks you have for budgeting.

Happy Mabon!

I just wanted to make a quick Autumnal Equinox/Mabon post...so here it is. I've been kind of lax in celebrating pagan holidays with the kids...why??? I don't really know, maybe because it's easier to not celebrate than to have to explain to them why no other kids in their school do, or in fact no other kids that we have regular contact with, maybe it's laziness...it's easy to go with the flow...However, this year I am making an effort to introduce the holidays to them and do at least a small thing to recognize and acknowledge them...I've managed to do something for some, but not all. I started last fall discussing Samhain and Yule with the kids...Declyn wanted to tell all the Christians to give us back our Yule traditions, but i told him that we can share them. at Ostara/the Vernal Equinox I got them Aisha's Moonlit walk, a book with stories for each holiday about a girl celebrating them. So far we are loving it, we can read the stories and get ideas for something fun to do at each holiday (i'll put a link to the book at the bottom of the post). For Mabon i decided a little bit of a Autumnal Equinox Feast was in order...it may not be a big feast, but we'll make the best of it and have fun...we are going on a bit of a leaf walk and making some decorations, too. I also discovered another great book and awesome publisher with many great books thanks to a link a friend posted on facebook
http://www.magicalchildbooks.com/shop/smoky-and-the-feast-of-mabon/
and am hoping to pick it up soon, it may be late for this year's Mabon celebration, but we will get it before next year.
So with that i wish you all Happy Mabon! and here is that link...

http://www.amazon.com/Aishas-Moonlit-Walk-Stories-Celebrations/dp/1558964851/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1348251124&sr=8-1&keywords=aisha%27s+moonlit+walk

simplifying...

i won't lie...sometimes i loose it and i find myself yelling "how many times do i have to tell you not to jump on the couch!!!!???" later, i always feel bad, but take note of ways i could better handle the situation..we learn from out mistakes and i could blame it on PMS or the pain i'm in or the stress i'm under, but rather than do that i think "how can i do this better??? how can i get the kids to do what i want without yelling or being negative? how can i put a positive spin on the situation?" some answers are easier than others and it often depends on the situation and kids being kids are not always going to respond how we want, so you have to let go and learn which things need pressing and which things need to be let to slide...often discussing why jumping on the couch (or peeing out the front door, or whatever it may be) is going to possibly effect things helps..."if you pee out the front door it makes it smell icky when people walk up. do you want it to smell icky? would you like to sit in a yucky smelling garden and drink your tea?" so far it is helping some, but jumping on the couch seems to be harder to deter...so i keep working at simplifying my approaches and letting go of whatever doesn't work for us, maybe they won't ever stop, until they are much older or someone gets hurt badly, but yelling does NOT work (it just makes my vocal chords sore). i've also caught myself doing something my mother and grandmother do much of and always have...i never thought of it as "shaming" until reading an article about it, but talking about something the child has done that was "wrong" in front of them or talking loudly to them in front of a group of people about what they did "wrong"...it's something i see a lot of people do and i always just kind of thought was normal, but then i think of how my relationships go and how i feel and that "un-loveable" feeling mentioned in the article crops up in my mind. my grandmother has improved some in this but my mom does it sometimes even today with me and i've caught myself doing it with my kids...so now, i try to make myself think twice about what i say and how i say it...i sometimes slip up, but really, kids feel bad enough if you have to pull them aside to talk about their actions, they don't need you talking loud enough for everyone to hear, nor do they need you announcing to everyone what they've done, while they sit by...so i'm simplifying things...i'm only saying positive things as often as possible, especially if the kids are in earshot and working at less demeaning ways of talking with/to the children if their behavior needs addressing in public. i often feel like everyone around me is judging me and my parenting style and sometimes i feel quite incompetent as a parent, but if i actually let those feelings interfere with my desire to raise well adjusted children who know they are loved and loveable and know how to make decisions and think then i am compromising myself and my children.

i was going to write more about other areas in which i am simplifying, but i don't want to make a 3 page post...so again simplifying a bit...just a quick note on the other things i am doing. i have been cleaning out and organizing the house, getting rid of things that no longer serve us or just add clutter. also, anyone who knows me knows i have some digestive issues and struggle with my weight and also that i've been a vegetarian, vegan, raw vegan, eaten paleo, tried south beach diet and numerous other things and really i am sick of all forms of dieting and fads and super restrictive eating, but something i have picked up is that real foods are always best and while this blog is about parenting feeding your kids and providing good wholesome nutrition is part of parenting so on that note i may be sharing some good real food and whole food recipes from time to time in the future. ok...back to cleaning the house before the kids come home and myattention goes to spending time with them.

on to Kindergarten

So i met Connor and Declyn's kindergarten teachers and they were both very nice, very different but very nice and so far both boys love thier teachers, they have only been going for 4 days as of today, but they like thier teachers and are making friends and both say that they pretty much get along with everyone. Connor says that there is one kid in class that can be annoying sometimes and i told him that it's ok to feel that someone is annoying, but it's still good to be nice to the other person because maybe what he does that is "annoying" is because he wants or needs attention, or something.
this morning wasa challenge for me the kids have been getting 8-9 hours of sleep and even putting them to bed early can't gaurentee more sleep, because they are waking up earlier, when i put them to bed earlier, and then they spent most of this morning with me splitting them up...declyn is angry about something and won't talk to me much about it, although, yesterday he told me that he wasmad that the kids on the bus called him and connor "Zack and Cody" and told him he's not really famous and not really a super hero. connor has learned to let it slide, most of the time but will sometimes yell "i am CONNOR not ZACK and CODY!" i don't blame him for getting frustrated and i really wish the other kids would drop it...it's been 3 years of connor and declyn getting mad at them whenever they call them "Zack and Cody" and they don't even have haircuts that look much like Zack and Cody anymore, so it's really annoying for all of us, but the problem is that even some of the adults in the neighborhood do it and they are really persistant about it even, when connor and declyn get angry, so for the most part i try to avoid them and i talk to the boys about how they feel, but declyn is really sensitive, so sometimes he and i need some special time and talks and activities to make him feel better. he started this morning off with name calling and an attitude right from the get go and was fine once at the bus stop, but the whole morning was spent with me trying to talk to him while getting them ready for school and him trying to pick fights with connor and i. sometimes, i'm afraid that someone is going to try to suggest i medicate him...i'd naturally refuse to do that...i'd seek dietary changes and herbs for improvements in his behavior before ever agreeing to giving him meds, but i can imagine having to fight with teachers at some point, really he's just a very creative/passionate and sensitive child...i don't think these are bad things, he just needs to learn to express himself and be alowed plenty of creative outlets and time/space to explore his feelings and sort out and express things creatively. (he's much like myself)
so, you'd think i'd be excited to "have the kids out of my hair" but even with all the house cleaning and organising i'm working at getting done i can't help but miss them and want to give them hugs and tell them how much i love them and find something special to do with them...it's hard having your kids go off to school for 6 hours a day. it's hard to find time for things while they are wanting/needing attention all the time, but when you are used to having them there all of the time it's really hard to have them away as well. Hopefully at least i'll get the house really clean and organised and can start giving more time to my arts and crafts and start a buisness, and/or knit the kids some cute sweaters and/or scarves.
ok, breaktime is over...gotta finish some cleaning! i want to have it clean enough so that i can scrub the floors tomorrow and do some moving stuff around and making things beautiful this weekend/next week. (although, i promised the kids that saturday would be a day for us to go for a nature walk and play some boardgames so i have to keep that promise or they will never forgive me).

update and possitive thoughts

so, the little dudes didn't go to gay pride with me this year, they went with my dad to a parade in the town he works in. which was fine, they had an excelent time and i got to hang out with friends without kids hanging on me.
i love my kids but really, sometimes just a little break is needed. it has been a long, but fun summer and just about everytime i feel i am about to blow a gasket, the kids do something cute which really helps defuse the anger..i'll admit that i'm far from perfect and there have been a few times i've yelled and several i've had to employ time outs...i've got a lot of work to do and a lot of learning to sort out non-violent communication and kind parenting techniques, but aren't we all really works in progress. i'm finding it faster and easier to calm myself and the kids down the more i work on it, we till have our show off and overtired things that the kids do, but at least i usually realise why they are acting up and can sort out a course of action, of sorts.
we are currently all dealing with some allergy/sinus/headcold thing, but other than stuffy heads and a little coughing/wheezing not doing too bad. school starts in about 3 weeks and declyn is finally starting to write his name,not really well, but we are practicing and he does almost as well as connor (which means most of the letters are there close to the correct spots and at least somewhat resemble what they are supposed to look like)...really, at 5 years old i can't beleive they want them to know so much...they are really smart and observant, and i'd rather them know not to walk through poison ivy and some basic lifeskills than worry about how well they write, not to mention that childhood should be about jumping in puddles and squishing in mud and having fun, not cramming your head full of as much crap as possible as early as possible...they'll get it when they get it.
so some possitive thoughts on possitive thoughts...we all have ngative thoughts and while i am trying to reprogram myself not to state them, or to use them...it's a long hard process, but rather than saying "no more negative thoughts", i've been working at just adding more possitive thoughts and possitive people and such to my life...some negativity creeps in, it probably always will, but aknowledging it and moving towards possitive seems to be working better and better the more i practice it. i still find myself grumping about what a disaster my house is...lately it really has been at it's worse, but i try to turn it arround and use it as an opportunity to make major changes in my schedual and teach the kids how to clean and why it is helpful to put things where they belong rather than just throwing everything on the floor...trying to put it all in a positive light is challenging, but i'm up to the challenge and the kids will be in school for 6 hours this fall, not including the time on the bus ride, so even though, i'm also going to be looking for work/job training or something of the sort i should still have time for cleaning the house. so rather than worrying about the dirt, i burry myself in my task and think "won't it be nice when i get it all fixed up the way i want!?"
anyway, i hope everyone is having a great summer and i'll be back to write again, soon. oh and i saw a messege on facebook earlier, that was exactly how i've been feeling lately "stop judging and start loving"! that applies to all of us about how we treat ourselves and everyone arround us...we are all starving for love...love yourself and spread the love to others.

just a quick note

just dropping in for a quick note...

the kids get out of school for the summer on next tuesday, they graduate from preschool and we start a summer of fun and preparation for kindergarten. i must admit that i'm a bit nervous about kindergarten...declyn still can't write his name and that is one of the things that the teachers want him to be able to do, as well as count to 10, sing the ABC's and identify his letters and numbers...so we'll be spending a little bit of time most days practicing...maybe i'll have declyn help me count as we set the table and/or count out fruits/veggies we buy at the grocery store or farmer's market, for that matter, maybe connor and declyn could take turns with that.

i'm also going to be doing a lot of testing various healthy recipes to find out exactly what healthy foods the boys enjoy eating enough for me to pack them for lunches...i really am not a big fan of school lunches, but the school they are going to is supposed to be a green school so i'll see if thier lunches are any better than others.

i just remembered that tomorrow is the Gay Pride Parade in Boston...Woo-Hoo! one of my best friends and her fiance are picking the little men and i up so that we can all go in together and we may meet up with other friends there. the parade is always cool as are all the booths and the music, it should be fun.

well, i'm on a mission to do some major cleaning and organising of my kitchen today, so i'll update again when i get the chance.

bullying and other updates

so...it turns out my eldest nephew is also having bullying problems...this one kid has been bullying him and his friends all year and the teachers do nothing but put the kid in detention...so much for the zero tollerence for bullying laws. finally, after getting shoved 1 to many times, my nephew turned and punched the kid, then got a 2 day suspension. i don't approve of violence, but really??? this kid is an honor roll kid, never in trouble and the bully is a known trouble maker who has been reported repeatedly for bullying... why is the bully even still bullying? shouldn't he be in counseling or have been suspended or expelled? i talked to other people who are having the same problems with thier kids, bullying being reported and teachers doing little to nothing.

anyway, my sons have been off of school most of this week and were supposed to be helping me with some cleaning and re-organising projects, which haven't gotten done, but we have had some discussions about propper behavior and about bullying. connor told me the bully he has told him he wasn't cool and i told him what isn't cool is telling other people that they are not cool and that as a matter of fact connor is one really cool kid because he is not affraid to be himself and being yourself is what really makes you cool. there are only 2 and 1/2 weeks left of school, so i think we'll do ok, but i am going to talk to the teachers.

i haven't written about it yet, but connor had some major dental work done...he had to go into Children's Hospital and be put to sleep so that he could get x-rays, fillings, caps and some teeth pulled...we went for our follow up this week and he is healing well. the dentist said that she doesn't know how but it seems that the decay was haulted in 3 of the 4 front teeth or he might have had to have them all out, the one he did have to have out had been chipped and had lots of dammage on the tiny bit of tooth that was left (he has really tiny teeth), but i think a few of the changes i made really helped. i read that going grain free helps with dental decay, and while i haven't been able to completely eliminate the grain yet, i have limited it and stopped using flouride and started drinking spring water (our tap water contains flouride) and started using real grassfed butter, while i think some other changes and totally eliminating the grains may help even more the fact that we stopped the decay in 3 of the teeth that they thought may have to come out is a good sign.i've read in several places that flouride can sometimes actually make tooth decay worse. i'm reading more about diet and health in relation to tooth decay, since both boys have lots of dental issues and will report back as i make more ajustments and we have more dental exams.

one last thing for today... Declyn has been throwing major temper tantrums the last 2 days, esp. when i ask him to do things...he acts goofy, then he acts fresh then he gets destructive and violent, i actually have had to physically restrain him by holding his arms and/or pinning him to his bed (mostly because he keeps punching me or his brother or throwing things at us)and even then he screams and turns red and struggles, i then talk to him as calmly as i can and explain that i love him but his behavior is unacceptable...while he still acts angry for a bit and may even try hitting me, again i do my best from there to just give him some time and space to think...finally he told me today "i have feelings i don't understand and can't explain and it makes me mad." (this often happens when he is tired and much of the anger is directed at me and/or his brother, so could be jelousy, but i don't know), what i have sorted out is that sometimes what he really needs is just some time to think quietly, so i'm trying to work out some ways he can express his feelings in a more constructive manner and/or have a quite break without feeling like i'm putting him in time out. he really is a deep thinker and very intense child who asks many questions and observes his surroundings astutely and i think he internalizes everything until he doesn't know what to do with it all, much like his mother. i will keep everyone posted on this progress as well.

Dealling with a Bully !!!

so...i haven't updated in quite some time.things have been kids aof a wreck...acid reflux and gallbladder issues for me and connor's teeth...he just had 3 pulled and some caps and fillings, the good news is that some of the changes that i made such as eliminating floride and adding in grassfed butter to his diet haulted the decay on 3 teeth or he would have lost all 4 front teeth not just 1 in the front (which was mostly as bad as it was due to a chip he got over a year ago). also, i haven't really been sure what exactly i wanted to write about...i had ideas, but ws really up in the air.


well, i've decided to write about 2 issues...bullying and LGBT rights/issues. why??? well because they are dear to me and because they are issues that our family is dealing with at the moment.


it's hard to write this because only about 3 or 4 people really know this others may have guessed at it, but i'm bisexual...i think i've always known, yet i didn't really fully know or understand until i was about 16...i've mostly dated men because it's easy and expected, but i have dated women and sometimes, especially lately i wonder "why do i even need a man in my life?" i mean i have the kids i always wanted and i find so few men attractive, but there are some here and there that are very attractive..so i just don't worry about it...i think the focus should be more on the soul of a person...finding a soulmate, not being held back by gender barriers. but, that's only the tip of the iceberg...here's what it really gets down to...i try not to read anything into my kids refering to thier best female friends as girlfriends and declyn's refering to his best male friend asa boyfriend..they are only 5 years old and they have very simplistic and innocent ideas about marriage and love and relationships...also my sons have no father...they have never met thier father and thier father has nothing to do with us, that is, so we have a mom who isnot sure if she'll ever marry or if it does happen weather it'll be a male or female and 2 little boys who have lots of friends with a mom and dad...meaning they are really wanting a dad...that's not all...one of the kids at school teases them about not having a dad and declyn makes up stories and now connor is starting to about some imaginary dad. this same kidtold declyn when he said that he wanted to marry his friend (a boy), because "two people who love eachother get married" that boys can't marry boys...in MA, where we live "boys can marry boys" as long as they are both consenting adults, and i explained that..but this bring me to the bullying, but first let me say that my kids already know that some boys love boys and some boys love girl and some girls love boys and some girls love girls, tec...i have even had to find simple ways to explain transgender to them, which isn't as hard as it sounds, because of one of my cousins teenage children being transgenedered so they have a pretty good understanding...they think it's kind of funny that a boy might want to be a girl, since they love being boys, but they accept that some boys feel like girls inside and some girls feel like boys inside.


we have had some mild bullying for years all the kids in our neighborhood insist on calling connor and declyn "Zack and Cody" no matter how angry it makes them, so they don't get to play with the nieghborhood kids much, but now we have a whole other level...thankfully this kid that is a problem will not be in thier school next year, but as someone who was bullied no matter where i lived or what school i was in i can't stand that it seems like my kids have targets painted on thier back as well.last year at school there was aboy who was a little bit of a bully, but by the end of the year both connor and declyn had befriended him and it turned out that he was just needing a friend and feeling a little jelous, but the kid we are dealing with this year is different...he told declyn at the beginning of the year that he couldn't be freinds with another little boy who declyn had been freinds with last year "because he's black and that means he's too different from us. he's weird." declyn and i discussed this extensively and i sent notes to the teachers and eventually declyn came arround, then declyn mentioned the marriage thing i mentioned above and i started thinking "this kid has to get this kind of racist, biggoted thinking from somewhere?", but it's not all...there is the "you don't have a dad!" thing and telling connor "you have abig head!" and "you are nothing!" and "you are a bully!"...all of this came out this week...connor has been holding it inside, but having a week at home with me he has been talking about it, crying about it...and everytime i raise my voice and yell (still working on not loosing it when i'm at my wits end) he breaks out with "i don't think you love me! i'm nobody!" i immedeatly take him in my arms and hug him and tell him how much i love him and how he's a very special little boy. i told him to tell the teachers when the other boy says things, but he says they just tell him to walk away from the other boy. right now i'm trying to decide how to breech it with the teachers myself, but it has to be adressed!


reading this aritcle (http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/2012/04/why-be-normal-when-you-could-be-happy.html) from ben and birdie i did discover a cool resource that i can't wait to order from that may be of some help with all of the above situations http://www.reachandteach.com/content/index.php they have some great anti-bullying stuff and eco friendly toys and things and books and coloring books about all kinds of issues near and dear to me.

head cold and sinus/ear infections....

this is a tough week for me...connor started with a slight temp of around 99 degrees at the beggining of the week, and i figured it'd break if we just waited and treated it gently and naturally, but then it went up near 103 two nights in a row, even though it was about 99 during the day...so to the dr we went. ear infection and sinus infection, i called the school to tell them and 15 minutes later they said declyn was cringing and holding his ear while blowing it so they took his temp which was 101 degrees...fun!so my mom took him to the dr before bringing him home...double ear infections...then i realised that the sinus stuff i have been fighting was turning into a nasty headcold...so the whole family is ill, but we are not going to let that keep us down for long...it does take me twice as long to get anything done and the dishes are not getting done today, or yesterday, so i'll HAVE to tackle them tomorrow. i've been doing my best to make simple nourishing foods that the kids might actually eat, but they are being picky and have very small appetites at the moment, so will only nibble things...so far my appetite is not quite as affected, but i feel like my head is in amajor fog...so then why am i writting this??? because i said i'd blog on thursdays and i want to stick to my word.
i know what is happening, it's the great spring clean out...i nearly always get a "cold" when i start cleansing and cleaning and clearing out old garbage (physically and emotionally, etc), but i didn't realise that the kids would go through the same thing...i guess we are all going through a spring cleaning...we haven't been doing our yoga, but i intend to get back to that in the next day or two, as i'm sure that it'll help. but i did take a lovely detoxify bath today...i tub full of really hot water (as hot as you can stand) + 1 TBs baking soda + 2 cups epsom salts...soak and relax...the kids wanted to help and i layed down on my stomach in the tub and they poured cups of the water over my back then they both remarked on how nice the tub felt...now i realise most families don't bathe together, but when i was little in idaho i remember bathing, and swimming in the creek in the summer to get clean...and i really want my kids to feel comfortable that bodies are bodies and not to be shamed so i said "ok, family tub time!"... they loved it and declyn said "i know no one is supposed to touch my penis but me and i am supposed to be in private, but can i wash it in the tubby?" i said that washing his own was ok, as long as he didn't wash anyone else's or no one else was washing his.it was fun...we all got to hang out together and everyone washed themselves and then we all climbed out of the tub, put our towels on and put our own coconut oil on our bodies, then i got dressed and helped them dress and we had medicine and a light supper. tonigt we are all going to bed early. now the truth is that soon they will defintely be too big physically to take a bath with mommy but i figure that if they see me being uncomfortable about my body and/or about bathing or dressing in front of them it is going to cause them to think negatively about thier own and women's bodies than just telling them which parts are private and not to be groped and touched. my mother was never one to hide her body form us...half the time one of us was taking the shower the whole family would end up in there, s o to me it's not really a big deal, though since my children are boys i think that as they get older i will need to set a few boundries and discuss privacy more.
now i'm off to snuggle my tired little guys and get ready for bed.

making time...

okay, so i've said before that i'm not very good at blogging...i tend to post whenever and not really stick to a schedual. i've had tons of ideas for things to write and then not written them... so i've decided to make time. i'm going to schedual myself some time every week to update my blog. i'm writting this on a sunday, but i'm thinking that thursday nights are usually the best time for me to blog, at least at this point in time.
some other things about making time...i realised that it often seems that i have little time for anything but washing dishes and doing laundry and otherwise clening or spent on tactics to avoid doing cleaning that i don't feel like doing, so i've decided to schedual times for that as well...carve out 30 minutes after dinner each day for doing dishes (also having the kids help...at thier age it is fun to help) and having a specific day, say mondays for laundry. i'm planning to limit time on the computer, for me and limit time watching tv or playing wii for the kids in order to make more time for the things we really want to do.
so i've found some blogs that mention parenting ideas that are pretty much in tune with what i aim to practice and found out about non violent communication and simplicity parenting...both things i want to read more about and work on incorporating into our lives...i hadn't even realised that there were books and blogs out there about the subject, but wow! it's so cool...i think i'll do more about that in another post since connor just climbed up in my lap and fell asleep (he's not feeling well today, so i'm hoping the rest will help him feel better).